remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
