i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ttyl tear gas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize