I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
