just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
