Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
