I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
