I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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