hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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