I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
