Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
