you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
