No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
