This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
