She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
