How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
