My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were trust falling into bushes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
