God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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