I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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