how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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