You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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