I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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