just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
