how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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