He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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