her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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