i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
