i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
