i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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