After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
