There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
