omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
