was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
