my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
