I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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