I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
COCAINE IS GR8
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
