I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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