i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
