honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
