just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
