pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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