My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
