You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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