On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
