Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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