I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
