is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
