Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
