It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
