I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize