I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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