When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
