I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's like iHOP with fire
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize