I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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