Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
