Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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