how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
