so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
