My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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