help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
