god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
