He kissed a someone with a penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
