Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
