Are we in a gay sports bar?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
