I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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