I look better un-naked...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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