New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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