What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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