there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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