their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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