Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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