Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
