The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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