I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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