I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
