It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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