Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I touched a dick in church today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
